Understanding Self-Harm and How to Help

Educational Monthly Focus Article

Education can replace fear and stigma with understanding, compassion, and connection.

Published by Harmony in Daily Happiness Foundation, Inc. | Publication date: 2026

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Self-harm is often misunderstood. Here's what it is, why it happens, signs to notice, and how to respond with care if someone you know is struggling.

If you or someone you know is in crisis right now: In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line. Both are free, confidential, and available 24/7. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Self-harm can be hard to talk about. Many people who self-harm keep it hidden out of shame or fear of being judged, and many people who love them don't know what to say.

Talking about it openly, with understanding instead of judgment, is one of the most helpful things we can do. It makes it easier for people who are struggling to reach out, and easier for the people around them to respond well.

What Is Self-Harm?

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) describes self-harm as hurting yourself on purpose. It isn't a mental illness itself. It's a sign of emotional pain and a need for better ways to cope.

People may turn to self-harm when feelings become overwhelming, such as:

• Anxiety or emotional overload

• Numbness or emptiness

• Stress or the effects of trauma

• Shame, guilt, or harsh self-criticism

• Feeling hopeless or out of control

Self-harm doesn't resolve those feelings. Instead, it often leads to more shame and secrecy, which can make the pain harder to carry. That's why understanding and support matter so much.

Common Myths and the Facts

Myth: People self-harm for attention.
Fact: Most people who self-harm work hard to hide it. It's usually a private way of trying to cope with pain, not a bid for attention.

Myth: Self-harm is the same as a suicide attempt.
Fact: According to NAMI, self-harm isn't the same as attempting suicide. But it is a sign of emotional pain that should always be taken seriously, and it can raise the risk of suicidal feelings later.

Myth: It's a phase, and they'll just stop.
Fact: Stopping usually takes more than willpower. Support and new coping skills make recovery much more likely.

Myth: Self-harm means someone is weak.
Fact: Self-harm isn't a failure or a weakness. It's a signal that someone is struggling and needs care.

Signs Someone May Be Struggling

Self-harm isn't always visible. Some signs that someone may be in emotional distress or hurting themselves include:

• Frequent injuries they can't or won't explain

• Wearing long sleeves or pants even in warm weather

• Pulling away from friends, family, or activities they used to enjoy

• Sudden changes in mood, or increased anxiety or irritability

• Saying things that sound hopeless or worthless

Noticing these signs isn't about catching someone. It's about knowing when to check in with care.

How You Can Help

Supporting someone who is self-harming doesn't require having all the answers. What matters most is staying calm, caring, and present.

Ask and Listen Without Judgment

Find a private, calm moment to check in. Listen more than you talk, and avoid criticism, blame, or rushing to fix things. You might say: "I've noticed you seem to be having a hard time. I care about you, and I'm here if you want to talk."

Offer Reassurance

Let them know they matter and aren't alone. It's okay to admit you don't fully understand. You might say: "I may not get exactly what you're going through, but I want to help."

Encourage Professional Support

A counselor, therapist, or doctor can help them understand what's driving the pain and learn healthier ways to cope. Offer to help find someone, make a call together, or go with them to an appointment.

Don't Demand Promises

It's natural to want them to stop right away, but pressuring someone to promise can increase shame and secrecy. Recovery takes time, support, and new coping skills.

Share Healthier Ways to Cope

When they're ready, you can explore coping strategies together. Our article Healthy Coping Alternatives to Self-Harm offers ideas and a simple safety plan.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

Supporting someone you love through this can be emotionally heavy. Talk with someone you trust about how you're feeling, and consider getting support for yourself.

When It's an Emergency

Call 911 if someone has an injury that needs urgent medical attention or is in immediate danger. If someone talks about wanting to die or seems to be thinking about suicide, call or text 988 right away for guidance, and stay with them if you can.

Healing Is Possible

With understanding, support, and the right care, people do find healthier ways to cope and feel better. A single caring conversation can be the start.

If you're the one who is struggling, you deserve that same care. Reaching out is a strong and courageous step, and you don't have to do it alone.

At Harmony in Daily Happiness, we believe small, everyday acts of care for the mind and body build healthier lives and stronger communities.